Good Evening world,
I’m asking that if you have a weak heart or something that quickly makes you emotional, please do not read any further. This is all by fact and not made up or fiction. This is based off of my 10 month challenge/ test and I wanted to share it with those that may be going through something similar. Please feel free to comment and share your ideas or thoughts. I do ask that you keep it positive and leave advice for others that may need help!! By all means, DO NOT judge a book by its’ cover, EVER!!
I know some of you may not believe in God, or maybe the Son of the prodigal. There’s a lot of talk going around that God doesn’t exist, but please allow me to correct that. I have been living in this body for almost nineteen years, and I’ve seen miracles worked on over me. I’m not the easiest person to deal with when it comes to relationships or friendships, because I’m sometimes hard to handle. I was made into a human formed animal that was never meant to be tamed, unless God had instructed for it to happen.
For about ten months I was going through an emotional and spiritual battle. The devil is real, and yes he does try to do things to make you go under. I was becoming more and more anger by the day because, of two specific people that used me. Normally, I’m humble and I hold my tongue but today I finished my test and came out on top. To make a long story short, I had been dating someone that was of the age 23. Don’t get me wrong, I loved him but I wasn’t in love with him. I spent half of my savings on him, by purchasing things for him to keep him around. I wasn’t trying to but love, but I was trying to keep things spontaneous.
I paid his car note for him, only with us agreeing on the terms of paying it back. He never paid it back, so he’s a thief. Than I purchased different amount of gift cards for him to dine wherever he liked. There was Friday’s, Applebee’s, Red Lobsters, and much more. My non-regret was getting him a study bible, because he claimed he wanted to come closer to God. Now, mind you — People use God for their benefits, just to get what they want. I sent him the bible, gift cards, personal love letters and just about everything else a woman would send her man. Except I wouldn’t label this one as a man because he was more of a little boy to me.
He cheated on me months after, I was in Florida for about three months. I was there on a personal getaway, so that I could think straight and recollect myself. One day I paid his phone bill, which was about 100 and change. He ended all communication lines between us and took another woman to his home island, Dominica. He blocked me on FB, would answer my emails, wouldn’t answer my text, or my phone calls. I made another account and I searched him up, long behold he was cheating. He had this girl all over him like a robber, trying to get some value from his account.
I was hurt and, yes I cried. I wasn’t hurt because I loved him, I was hurt because I wore my heart on my sleeve. I was thinking about all the kind-hearted and pure-hearted people around the world. The ones that went through the same troubles as myself. We get walked all over and no one cares about us. He practically robbed me of my bank account and kept it moving. I found it crazy, because money was going missing like crazy. He was no good, but before I could take it to my brothers (they don’t play) I prayed about it. I got on my knees and cried through that long prayer.
I had a severe headache but I took a shower and got in the bed afterwards. I cried myself to sleep, but soon after came another guy that I fell in love with. To think about it now, he wasn’t worth much nor was he going places in life. I say this because he fashioned the same old attitude and approach, every single day. Trying to produce beats for a living when half his music was crap. I didn’t want to hurt feelings, but now I’m insured enough to talk. Those beats weren’t even selling enough to leave him with enough left over money for anything extra. It sucks when you don’t have much but you need the person, that you’re out to kill.
He called me every night to make sure that I was settled. I didn’t know what his motives were, but in the beginning I had no interest in him, because he was just like every other boy that walked the face of the earth. I wouldn’t really call him a trend setter, because he followed the crowd and did what he was dictated to do. With me you can’t be two different kind of people and them try to balance it out. This boy didn’t know who he was as a person, he was very lost. I learned to care for him as the weeks went along, because he pulled that sobby story. “I don’t have money for enough food,” or “I only ate once today.” I wanted to help him but thank God he told me not too.
Later on in the months, after doing all this oovoo’ing and Skyping we allowed him to come over. I wanted to see if this boy was really like, what he claim he wasn’t. He said he wasn’t a player, and that he was a faithful person. Maybe he was right about being faithful, but he was never a true friend to start with. I thought of him as an annoying person, because he didn’t know how to leave me alone. Why couldn’t he just get his life and keep it moving? This is why you can’t always be the nice guy.
So he spent a few nights and we ended up in a relationship, unexpectedly. I cried that night we sat there looking out the window, as it rained because I loved him deeply. I loved him because he seemed hopeless and lost. I thought he needed some type of guidance but by the right people. He wasn’t slow or retorted, he just made wrong choices. I always had this premonition that he would die before his time. I wasn’t wishing that, but I became very worried because I didn’t want to see something happen to him and I knew it was going to happen. He treated me very badly, he claimed that his best decision was throwing me away as a friend. I was hurt but I couldn’t say or do much. I remained respectful of him and I didn’t argue or call him out of his name this time. He hated me with a passion because I was so different.
My heart was heavy last night when he told me how he felt about me. Basically, I wasn’t someone he wanted in his life. I wasn’t worth much and that I was trash. I didn’t pray but I did cry all night, because as much as I argued with him, I could never fix my heart to say what he said. I had a dream and I was in this garden with Jesus. He was sitting right next to me and my heart felt very light and alive. I hadn’t told Him what I knew, but He already knew. I figured I was coming to the close of my test. I was tired of being angry, with a weary heart. I felt like I was dying everyday, until I was awakened with good news. Jesus had told me to tell this boy that his day was coming very soon, and sooner than he thought. I didn’t know what it meant, if it was good or bad.
I delivered the message, as he had an attitude with me because I was texting it to him. I don’t know why he caught an attitude because God’s message was way more important than some chick that couldn’t offer you eternal life. He would say, “Don’t blow up my phone” or something slick. I didn’t get nasty with him but I felt something in my body. I felt that old man fall off me and die. I had to sit down on the couch because I was losing feeling in my feet and legs. My heart felt like it was stopping, only because I wasn’t letting go of my test. I wasn’t supposed to become attached to it and love it. I was supposed to be learning and understanding.
I died for a few seconds and came back to the ‘Kenyona’ that I’d been searching for, for years now. Sometimes we don’t realize how much we do for a person. We could get ambushed and still not care about our own conditions. I wasn’t stable enough because I had been stampeded by these two people, they had no hearts. I remained a true friend to both of these guys but they asked me to get out of their lives. One of them was actually proud to have thrown me away, like Satan had taken over his being. God gave me something very important in return, with the physical and spiritual strength I regained.
My ears became sharper to hear, and my heart became bigger with the right focus this time. For example, I was in the basement with my bedroom door closed. I could hear my phone ringing and it wasn’t that loud. This gives me enough wisdom to hear what it is that people have to say about me from miles away. I won’t kill you for hating me, but God has something more intriguing in store for those that try to harm me, physically and spiritually. I have a gift of not just sharper ears, but I can see and hear from the Father through dreams/visions. It wasn’t my first time getting a visit from Him.
Javis’s day is coming ……I don’t know what that means but I guess God said, enough is enough!! He could act as if he got it all together, BUT I DO KNOW A MAN NAMED JESUS!!!