I’m not doing this for you:
My name is Kenyona Rashana Candice Parlor. I’m a christian that believes in God, and the main root of it all is Love. I’m the girl that loves herself enough to never lower her standards for someone else. I believe in myself and push myself to make the impossible happen. I love myself because, I value who I am as a person. I have respect for myself and I carry myself with grace and as a young role model to other females. I’m my own person, and I have a personality customized to my fitting. I laugh, smile, cry, hurt and I can feel. My heart is huge and I use it to the extent of it’s full potential.
I don’t carry baggage into other relationships, but I have been through a lot to never forget the things that built my muscle. I’m a positive person and I find myself supporting others w/o the favor of asking for anything from anyone. I loved hard, and I love unconditionally. There’s been many mistakes that I’ve made in the past and some that’ll be made in the future. That’s part of being human.
I know that there’s someone that I want more than ever. I’m not afraid to make mistakes in front of him, but I am scared that he won’t accept what it is that I have to offer. Love does start at home, and for the fact that not only did I receive it from both parents and my siblings, I loved and will always love me, too. Sometimes I find myself getting 5 steps ahead of my brain, but that’s normal for someone with big dreams. There are times when I need to be brought back down to earth, because some things that I may see looks fogging. Everyday I’m working at a full time job of trying to better myself. I don’t mind trying to make things right with myself on behalf of someone that I love, but most of the things I do is for me.
I admit, I’m stubborn and I don’t want to ask for help when it’s needed. I only do it because I was raised by a single mother that gave me every hope in the world. She provided every christmas, she attended every school play, she put me through school, and she gave me something that I couldn’t have experienced any better with anyone else. I thank God for her LOVE because it was well needed, but at the same time I grew up.
Everyone is taught differently how to be independent. I was specifically taught that depending on others wouldn’t get me anywhere. Calling someone for help would be a waste of time, because I had to get what I wanted through any kind of way I could. I was late for an exam? Mama stopped taking me and made me walk, I got stranded in the middle of nowhere on the bus one day, and I was told to call mama because she’d come get me. She offered her help before hand, but when I was stranded she told me to find a way home in the rain. This is why I hesitate to ask for help, because of situations such as that.
I was always compared to other people’s children. How come Jasmine was better than Kenyona or Zavion was more intelligent than me? I learned to let go and love myself, alone after while. I never mastered love because I never found my significant other. I love me till death and I’ve learned self value. Could I stop worrying for a while? Yes! Is it okay to ask for help? Yes! Have I mastered self love? Yes! Have I mastered loving someone else? No, because I haven’t found him.
I love everybody and this is a fact! Actions do speak louder than words, but sometimes words can become the loudest actions. I’ve been thrown away, cheated on, talked about, misunderstood, brought down — but I never stopped loving each and every person that hurt me. My heart is too big to be told differently, and many people that has watched me on my knees crying and praying can say that this is true. God has made me and molded me into someone beautiful. I never had that “I don’t care” attitude, because no matter what I’ll always care. It would be nice to have someone save the hero sometimes, too.
I have no excuses or anything to hide. I’m human and there’s nothing to justify the reason as to why I couldn’t do things better. I’m starting today and this time I’ll learn to ask for help from those that really are my God-given friends. I’m Kenyona and this is me!!